I remember the time I knew what happiness was.

Dear Debbie (the eHarmony cat lover),

I'm sure you've been getting a lot of criticism for your video bio, which has somehow leaked itself onto Youtube, not to mention been featured on Fox news...here's my two cents: follow your dreams. I can tell how passionate you are about felines, and if it's truly your dream to hug every cat, go for it! Don't fall prey to the little voice inside your head that tells you this dream is crazy. As Langston Hughes once said:

"Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly."

Debbie, don't you want to fly? Today is your day to spread your wings! I'd recommend starting off small: go door-to-door in your neighborhood, and simply ask, "Excuse me Sir or Madam, do you have a cat? And if so, may I please hug him or her?" Sure, they might give you a weird look at first, but once you explain that you're on a mission to hug every cat, I'm certain they'll oblige. Heck, they might even donate some money towards your cause, which you can use to pay travel costs. Pretty soon, you'll be doing world tours and spreading love to every Felis catus. Who knows, maybe your groundbreaking work will inspire a following of cat huggers worldwide!

I shall close by saying that this type of work is best done in collaboration with people who share your passion and vision. Maybe you can find a guy on eHarmony who loves cats just as much as you do, and he can join you on your journey! Best of luck to you, Debs.

Love,
Kenz

P.S. Congratulations on being my longest post to date.

For me, it isn't over.

Dear Old Myspace Page,

I'm so glad I stumbled upon you a few weeks ago; you're a wonderful reminder of the fact that even though I've always been awesome, my awesomeness has greatly matured over the years. However, one item on my page really surprised and confused me: my relationship status was set to "in a relationship". I have no idea why, or who I was in a relationship with when I abandoned my Myspace roughly four and a half years ago, but I'm going to assume this is why I've been single for the past four years. Guys were probably like "OMG, that Kenzie girl is totes mgotes the awesomest girl I've ever encountered! I'm gonna look her up on Myspace...oh, it says she's in a relationship...no use asking her out, I guess...*sniff*"

Love,
Kenz

It's getting hard to be someone, but it all works out.

Dear Zumba,

Thanks for being invented. Seriously, I have no idea how someone could have conceived such an awesome concept in their mind, but I think you might be my perfect workout. Dancing like an idiot in a room full of other people who are doing the same thing, all the while working core muscle groups and burning calories? Yes please. Clearly we were made for each other.

Love,
Kenz