All I did was wonder how your arms would feel.

Dear Friend Zone,

Since guys seem to put me in you all the time, would you mind if I redecorate a little? I mean, no offense, but your confining gray walls are a little drab for my taste. How about I sponge paint the walls a mix of lavender and baby blue, add a comfy futon and a shag rug, and maybe a cheap TV with an N46? Oh, and how about some cats? Yes, lots of fluffy, cuddly kitties. Also, a record player with an endless supply of 90s pop music on vinyl would be super. And if you don't mind terribly, I'd like at least one of the walls to have a window, so that I can gaze out on the real world in hopes that someday my prince will come. Or maybe just somebody to snuggle up on the futon and play N64 with.

Love,
Kenz

It's only fair to tell you, I'm absolutely cuckoo.

Dear Birds,

Let me begin by saying that (most of) you are all adorable, and I wish I could eat, sing, and fly like you do. Okay, on to business: while your little chirp-chirpings are sweet and cute from sunrise to sunset, lately you seem to be a little confused. Last night I woke up around 2 am to your sweet songs...don't you know that when the sun goes down, it's sleepy time for birds and humans, and probably other animals too? I'm an RA in my dorm, and quiet hours are from 10 pm to 7 am...I guess I can let you go with a warning this time, but don't let it happen again, okay? Otherwise, I might have to write you up, and that would just kill me (and prove my insanity to my supervisor).

Love,
Kenz

You said, "Nobody loves me", and I said "Wanna bet?"

Dear Cute British Guy,

You always come to the Library Cafe when I'm working (Coincidence? Probably, but a girl can dream) and ask, in your heart-melting accent, "May I please have a large coffee, love?" and in my head I always reply with "May I please marry you, love?"

Love,
Kenz