All I did was wonder how your arms would feel.

Dear Friend Zone,

Since guys seem to put me in you all the time, would you mind if I redecorate a little? I mean, no offense, but your confining gray walls are a little drab for my taste. How about I sponge paint the walls a mix of lavender and baby blue, add a comfy futon and a shag rug, and maybe a cheap TV with an N46? Oh, and how about some cats? Yes, lots of fluffy, cuddly kitties. Also, a record player with an endless supply of 90s pop music on vinyl would be super. And if you don't mind terribly, I'd like at least one of the walls to have a window, so that I can gaze out on the real world in hopes that someday my prince will come. Or maybe just somebody to snuggle up on the futon and play N64 with.

Love,
Kenz