Dear Kensie Clothing Line,
I was SUPER excited when somebody told me that there was a clothing line named after me. However, upon further inspection of your website, I have a few pointers for you, Kenzie to Kenzie...er, Kensie...
a) Learn how to spell Kenzie. I have NEVER met a girl named Kensie! Then again, I've also never met a girl named Kenzy, Kensee, or Kinsey, but those are all common misspellings of my name.
b) Learn how to hire models that don't look like awkward zombies. Seriously, do you really think you're going to sell clothes worn by models in poses like this:
http://www.kensie.com/Zebra-Sweater/PFMUG5567,default,pd.html?dwvar_PFMUG5567_color=002&start=6&cgid=kensie
and this:
http://www.kensie.com/Sheer-T-Shirt-Tank-Top/PFMU3451,default,pd.html?dwvar_PFMU3451_color=062&start=6&cgid=kensie-tops
oh, and this one just SCREAMS "I would like to awkwardly nibble on your brains, if that's cool with you":
http://www.kensie.com/Double-Button-Animal-Brocade-Dress/PFMU9S76,default,pd.html?dwvar_PFMU9S76_color=842&start=9&cgid=kensie-dresses
c) Learn how to competitively price your clothing for your target audience. I don't know very many twenty-something-year-old women who would shell out $78 for a freaking tank top.
Love,
Kenz
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
My blues are gone forever.
Dear Professor,
How exactly am I supposed to write a 1-2 page reflection on an article that isn't even 2 pages long? This does not compute. You've been driving me crazy in general lately, but this assignment is like the crazy icing on the crazy cake.
Come to think of it, that hypothetical cake might not taste too bad...
Regardless, please get your shit together (I said please!).
Love,
Kenz
How exactly am I supposed to write a 1-2 page reflection on an article that isn't even 2 pages long? This does not compute. You've been driving me crazy in general lately, but this assignment is like the crazy icing on the crazy cake.
Come to think of it, that hypothetical cake might not taste too bad...
Regardless, please get your shit together (I said please!).
Love,
Kenz
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Our hell ends every weekend.
Dear Doors,
I'm getting a little frustrated with the social norms associated with you. Sure, if I'm walking at a moderate pace, and there's someone within a reasonable distance behind me when I open a door, I have no problem holding the door open for them. However, if I'm clearly in a hurry (which is 75% of the time at school) and the person behind me is at a questionable distance (meaning that if I let the door close, it wouldn't slam in their face), then unless they're physically incapable of opening the door (i.e. they're a small child, physically impaired, or carrying something), I don't see why I have to risk being late to whatever obligation I happen to be running to, just to open a freaking door for them.
Honestly, when I'm really racing the clock, I'll usually just blow through a door without looking back to see if anyone's behind me. Whenever this happens, I feel the need to make it crystal clear that I'm in a hurry and simply do not have time to hold the door open for anyone, so that people won't think I'm just being a jerk. Why do I care what random people that I will probably never see again think of me (especially if they're really only seeing the back of my head)? You know, that's a really good question...but I think I'll leave that for another blog.
In conclusion, Doors, I think you're just more trouble than you're worth. Sure, without you we wouldn't be able to enter buildings (or we'd just have a huge gap in the wall of every building, that could never be closed), but are all the awkward moments, broken noses, and ruined reputations worth it?
Love,
Kenz
I'm getting a little frustrated with the social norms associated with you. Sure, if I'm walking at a moderate pace, and there's someone within a reasonable distance behind me when I open a door, I have no problem holding the door open for them. However, if I'm clearly in a hurry (which is 75% of the time at school) and the person behind me is at a questionable distance (meaning that if I let the door close, it wouldn't slam in their face), then unless they're physically incapable of opening the door (i.e. they're a small child, physically impaired, or carrying something), I don't see why I have to risk being late to whatever obligation I happen to be running to, just to open a freaking door for them.
Honestly, when I'm really racing the clock, I'll usually just blow through a door without looking back to see if anyone's behind me. Whenever this happens, I feel the need to make it crystal clear that I'm in a hurry and simply do not have time to hold the door open for anyone, so that people won't think I'm just being a jerk. Why do I care what random people that I will probably never see again think of me (especially if they're really only seeing the back of my head)? You know, that's a really good question...but I think I'll leave that for another blog.
In conclusion, Doors, I think you're just more trouble than you're worth. Sure, without you we wouldn't be able to enter buildings (or we'd just have a huge gap in the wall of every building, that could never be closed), but are all the awkward moments, broken noses, and ruined reputations worth it?
Love,
Kenz
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The wheel breaks the butterfly.
Dear Sleep,
You're beautiful. Has anyone ever told you that? Seriously, I long for you more and more each day, and without you my body grows weary. Why, you ask, have I been cheating on you with caffeine? Well, it's basically the same reason most guys cheat on their girlfriends: I'm not getting any, and caffeine's easier. Regardless, I know you're better for me in the long run, so just hang in there baby. I'll come back to you someday.
Love,
Kenz
You're beautiful. Has anyone ever told you that? Seriously, I long for you more and more each day, and without you my body grows weary. Why, you ask, have I been cheating on you with caffeine? Well, it's basically the same reason most guys cheat on their girlfriends: I'm not getting any, and caffeine's easier. Regardless, I know you're better for me in the long run, so just hang in there baby. I'll come back to you someday.
Love,
Kenz
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Secret's out that I just might care about you.
Dear Pleather Jacket,
Thank you for being you. Seriously, wearing you makes everything better. When I awoke this morning, I had a feeling it would be a bad day; then I put you on, and I had a badass day instead. True story. It's like I'm telling the world, "I'm a rebel, because I care about animals".
Love,
Kenz
Thank you for being you. Seriously, wearing you makes everything better. When I awoke this morning, I had a feeling it would be a bad day; then I put you on, and I had a badass day instead. True story. It's like I'm telling the world, "I'm a rebel, because I care about animals".
Love,
Kenz
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I won't let you close enough to hurt me.
Dear American Education System,
Has anyone ever told you that the term "learning disability" is extremely derogatory? Basically, you're telling people that they're unable to learn if they don't fit the mold you've created. Has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps some people just learn differently? I was diagnosed with a "learning disability" in grade school, but I am in no way unable to learn; I just do better when I'm more physically and emotionally engaged in the classroom, instead of just sitting through a ninety minute lecture and trying to memorize millions of facts, dates, and equations that mean nothing to me. And I know I'm not alone: according to the National Institute of Literacy, 30-50% of the U.S. population has undiagnosed learning disabilities. Maybe you need to adjust your standards, or at least give this particular exceptionality a more PC name. How about "learning difference"? Or hey, how about "human"?
Love,
Kenz
P.S. I'm aware that the American Education System isn't perfect, but I refuse to use that as an excuse not to go into the field of education. I just can't walk away from an institution that clearly needs compassionate, driven, and hard-working people to better serve the needs of its students. You can bet that when I'm a teacher, I won't be diagnosing any of my students with "learning disabilities".
P.P.S. On a completely unrelated note, I now have a Facebook fan page. Y'all should chiggity check it out. Just do a search for "Love, Kenz" and it'll pop up.
Has anyone ever told you that the term "learning disability" is extremely derogatory? Basically, you're telling people that they're unable to learn if they don't fit the mold you've created. Has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps some people just learn differently? I was diagnosed with a "learning disability" in grade school, but I am in no way unable to learn; I just do better when I'm more physically and emotionally engaged in the classroom, instead of just sitting through a ninety minute lecture and trying to memorize millions of facts, dates, and equations that mean nothing to me. And I know I'm not alone: according to the National Institute of Literacy, 30-50% of the U.S. population has undiagnosed learning disabilities. Maybe you need to adjust your standards, or at least give this particular exceptionality a more PC name. How about "learning difference"? Or hey, how about "human"?
Love,
Kenz
P.S. I'm aware that the American Education System isn't perfect, but I refuse to use that as an excuse not to go into the field of education. I just can't walk away from an institution that clearly needs compassionate, driven, and hard-working people to better serve the needs of its students. You can bet that when I'm a teacher, I won't be diagnosing any of my students with "learning disabilities".
P.P.S. On a completely unrelated note, I now have a Facebook fan page. Y'all should chiggity check it out. Just do a search for "Love, Kenz" and it'll pop up.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Darn that one track mind of mine.
Dear Birds (again...I've got another bone to pick with y'all),
My car's windshield is not a toilet seat. Stop crapping on it. Seriously, this has happened four times in the past two months-once WHILE I was driving, which forced me to turn the windshield wipers on high while frantically spraying water, on a perfectly cloudless day. I'm sure anyone who saw this immediately assumed I was crazy, but it's YOU, birds, who are the crazy ones! Someone needs to toilet train you.
Love,
Kenz
My car's windshield is not a toilet seat. Stop crapping on it. Seriously, this has happened four times in the past two months-once WHILE I was driving, which forced me to turn the windshield wipers on high while frantically spraying water, on a perfectly cloudless day. I'm sure anyone who saw this immediately assumed I was crazy, but it's YOU, birds, who are the crazy ones! Someone needs to toilet train you.
Love,
Kenz
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