Saturday, November 12, 2011

Babe, I know that it's your soul, but could you bottle it up?

Dear Kensie Clothing Line,

I was SUPER excited when somebody told me that there was a clothing line named after me. However, upon further inspection of your website, I have a few pointers for you, Kenzie to Kenzie...er, Kensie...

a) Learn how to spell Kenzie. I have NEVER met a girl named Kensie! Then again, I've also never met a girl named Kenzy, Kensee, or Kinsey, but those are all common misspellings of my name.

b) Learn how to hire models that don't look like awkward zombies. Seriously, do you really think you're going to sell clothes worn by models in poses like this:
http://www.kensie.com/Zebra-Sweater/PFMUG5567,default,pd.html?dwvar_PFMUG5567_color=002&start=6&cgid=kensie

and this:
http://www.kensie.com/Sheer-T-Shirt-Tank-Top/PFMU3451,default,pd.html?dwvar_PFMU3451_color=062&start=6&cgid=kensie-tops

oh, and this one just SCREAMS "I would like to awkwardly nibble on your brains, if that's cool with you":
http://www.kensie.com/Double-Button-Animal-Brocade-Dress/PFMU9S76,default,pd.html?dwvar_PFMU9S76_color=842&start=9&cgid=kensie-dresses

c) Learn how to competitively price your clothing for your target audience. I don't know very many twenty-something-year-old women who would shell out $78 for a freaking tank top.

Love,
Kenz